He fights for me…

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Exodus 14:14

All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.

1 Samuel 17:47

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:12

All of my life in Christ, I have been taught this: Our fight is not with people.  Our battle is with spiritual forces who are out to piss in our cheerios.  The battle belongs to God and he will fight for us.

This is true.

All these things are true.

And maybe I’m just a twisted sister, but I’ve always added an addendum: God will fight for me, if I’m in the right and have done everything right according to scripture.

And I obsess over this.

If I am in a disagreement with someone, if someone is angry with me or if I even suspect someone is angry with me, I obsess over every detail of the situation.  After all, God will only back me up if I’m right, right?

Hard to believe as it is, sometimes I don’t see eye to eye with other Christians.  This happens for multiple reasons ranging from “I’m a prideful monster” to “they’re a festering anus.”  When you’re at war with someone who is not one of your sisters or brothers in Christ, *sarcasm* obviously God will be on your side because you’re on his side and that other person is a hell-bound, sin-baby.  But whose side does God take when your war is with someone who is ALSO on God’s side?

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo.  Catch a brother by the toe.  If he repents, let him go.

How does God choose whose side to take when he fights for us?  The bible says he’s gonna fight for us.  So which one of us does he fight for?  Obvi, he chooses the brethren or sistren who is the most righteous and who is clearly the most biblically and scripturally right.  This is why it’s SOOOOO important to be caught up on doctrine, really know your B-I-B-L-E (that’s the book for me), and practice your theological knowledge prowess at all potlucks, life groups, family gatherings that include sinful relatives, and times when you trap a newcomer in that inescapable corner in the foyer at church.

false

That was sarcasm.

THOSE WERE BAD IDEAS.

Here’s the truth that was revealed to me as I walked into Walmart to buy strawberries:

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Wait for it…

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God is on BOTH of our sides. *GASP!*

Even if we’re wrong.  *DOUBLE GASP!*

And….

We’re probably both wrong.  *GASP GASP GASP!!!*

Also….

He’s on the side of the evil, hell-loving sinner we are hypothetically in a fight with too. *A LOT OF GASPS!*

Ok.  No more gasping.  I’m getting winded.

Brennan Manning said this:

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While I’m stewing in my tower of self-righteousness, secure in my ability to live rightly better than everyone else, God is loving me.  And he’s loving the person I’m fighting with in my mind and heart.  And he’s fighting for me.  And he’s fighting for them too.  And he’s fighting for the sin-babies too.

God fights my battles for me whether I’m right or wrong.  Whether I’m righteous or sinful.  Whether I love him or not.

He’s not fighting against the person I believe so clearly deserves to feel ashamed and repentant.  He’s fighting against the spiritual forces whizzing in my cheerios.  He’s fighting against my selfishness, pride, greed, gluttony, and hate.  He’s battling the forces that want his children to tear each other apart limb from limb.  He’s battling the forces that want to keep his creation, his beloved ones, in the dark.

His fight is with the withered foliage and dead branches.  He’s pruning me.  He’s pruning you.

So.

(I say as I slowly spin around to face you in my opulent, plush, faux-leather [cruelty free, baby] desk chair, my large, Persian cat purring loudly, relaxed but not asleep, my fingers pressed together lightly in steeple formation under my chin.)

This idea changes things.  For me, at least.

Now when I’m hurt, wounded, depressed, angry, scared, instead of taking comfort in the fact that I did everything right and can stand before God with a clear conscience, I will take comfort in the fact that I even if I did everything wrong, I can stand before God, secure in the knowledge of his love, secure knowing he’s fighting for me.

And that person… my sister, my brother… the “sinner”… God is fighting for them too and he loves them too.  We’re all, ALL OF US, in the same boat.  The love boat.  He loves us all the same.  And he’s fighting for all of us the same.

I don’t have much more to say.  I could quote a bunch of scripture but honestly I’m too lazy.

let me sum up.jpg

God is fighting for you BUT NOT BECAUSE YOU’RE RIGHT AND THEY’RE WRONG.  He’s fighting for you because he loves you.  Even if you’re a festering anus or a prideful monster.  He loves us as we are and not as we should be.  Because no one is as they should be.  He’s fighting cheerio-pissing-in spiritual forces and he’s fighting your own pride and sinful nature, pruning you.  He’s fighting darkness NOT PEOPLE.

I don’t know, but that’s pretty comforting to me.

Thanks for reading.  Peace out, prideful monsters. XOXOX

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New Song – This Is What I Know

Here’s my promised crappy recording of my new song.  It’s definitely not finished.  It needs arranging and polishing and a better piano player and singer. 😉

Anyway, this song was inspired by the idea that we can’t control what people say about us and sometimes our names will get trashed in the court of public opinion.  You don’t always have to try to fix their mistaken ideas about you. Haterz gon’ hate, baby.  Sometimes you just have to breathe and let them.

11 “Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Matthew 5:11-12

Think about Jesus standing before Pilate.  Pilate couldn’t figure out why Jesus wasn’t defending Himself.  Read these scriptures, boo:

10 Pilate therefore said to him, “Do you refuse to speak to me? Do you not know that I have power to release you, and power to crucify you?” 11 Jesus answered him, “You would have no power over me unless it had been given you from above; therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin.”

John 19:10-11

Pilate’s all, “What’s wrong wit you, brah?!? Don’t you know I can kill you?”  And Jesus is  all, “Nah, bro. Y’all ain’t got nothing on me.”

(I’m not a very cool person so I hope you enjoy my butchered slang.)

Anyhoo, this is something I need to remember and I remember things better when I sing them.  Like the ABC’s and the fact that busses have wheels that go ’round and ’round.

So without further ado, here’s the not very good version of the song I recently whipped up that Nick informs me is “not a piano song”. 🙂

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Free Indeed

Here’s a little tune I’ve been working on.  I don’t know if I’m done with it yet.  Maybe I’ll add a bridge or something.  I definitely don’t have an ending yet.  If you even sorta like it, share it on Facebook because I’m taking an FB hiatus.  I still have my account, I’m just not getting on there.

Thanks!!!!

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The heart is a fragile thing 


A heart is a fragile thing. It has four chambers: one to fill with sorrow, one with love, one with longing and one, secrets. 
And like an old home, we store our old things in the chambers, things we cannot bear to throw away. We wander from chamber to chamber, holding these things in our hands, letting them soak into us, feeling every fear, pain, joy, cheer and grief until it overwhelms. 

Sometimes we stay too long in a chamber and we can’t seem to find our way out again. The fragile walls of the chamber squeeze in around us, suffocating us, paralysing us. We wallow in our sorrow too long and our skin becomes pruny, hanging from us like the droopy jowls of a basset hound. We love too deeply and the sting of unrequited feelings burns us until we become numb. We sink into longing until the ache tightens our chest becoming a corset, leaving us gasping for air. Our secrets isolate us in a tower of our own making and our own destruction. 

The heart is a fragile thing, and a prison.

And in my life I’ve only ever known one who can release me from my prison, who can stop the walls from collapsing around me. Holy Spirit. He alone can ease suffering. He alone can reinforce the walls of the four chambers to keep them from falling in around us. 

““The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.””

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭61:1-3‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

The heart is a fragile thing, but it doesn’t have to be a prison. It can be a temple, a place of divine contemplation. Instead of sorrow, joy. Instead of being broken by love, we are renewed by it. Instead of longing unfulfilled, we are content beyond measure. Instead of secrets to isolate, honesty to open us. 

These are Holy Spirit’s doings. 

My only job: when my heart becomes a prison I must remember who liberates me. 

The heart is a fragile thing, but I’ve given it to the one who restores all things. 

Gently close up


Sometimes instead of saying “shut up”, my girls and I say “gently close up”, because “shut up” is rude. So if you couldn’t tell by the title, this post is about shutting up. 

As I was worshipping my God this morning, I was impressed that I needed to shut up. Lol. Or more specifically, I realized that as Christians we often treat prayer and worship as a time to entreat God to enact change in the world. And that’s not a wrong idea. It’s just not the end. It’s not the only purpose of prayer and worship. 

Prayer and worship can also be a time for God to enact change in us. 

But if we don’t stop talking about the change we want to see God enact in the world, we miss the change God wants to enact in us. 

Psalm 46:10

“He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.””

He is God. He will be exalted. He’s not too worried about it. You, BE STILL for a few minutes so He can be exalted in YOU. 

I don’t have much more to say. I could actually, ironically, talk a lot about being silent.  But I’m not gonna type your ear off today. 

Just “gently close up” for a few minutes and be still, let Him enact change in you. 

Amen. The end. Hasta la vista, baby.

Long Division

This morning, for some reason, I see so clearly how the powers of darkness are working to destroy the church. It’s so simple, it’s amazing we have fallen for it for so long. The darkness comes in like a worm, slithering its way into any tiny crack, nudging and pushing until the crack becomes a split and the split becomes a chasm. Division. That is the power of the enemy.  And he’s been doing this for a long time.

The Crack:

Party 1: A nagging thought. Something someone said is buzzing through their brain and they’re not 100% sure they know what it meant.

Party 2: A nagging thought. They said something to Party 1 and they’re not sure it was taken the right way, or maybe that they should have said it at all.

The Worm:

Party 1: Instead of going to Party 2 and just asking what they meant when they said, “X”, they have imaginary conversations in their mind. The worm tells them that it would be a bad idea to talk to Party 2 and so instead they talk to everyone else about the situation.

Party 2: Instead of going to Party 1 and apologizing or trying to clarify what they said, OR APOLOGIZING (I know I said it twice), they act as if everything is totally okay, and begin distancing themselves subtly from Party 1. The worm tells them that “really they didn’t say anything wrong and if Party 1 is hurt by that, they are just being sensitive”.

The Split:

Party 1 has now become hurt and angry by: first, the hurtful thing that was initially said, and second, by the nonchalant way that Party 2 has handled everything, including talking about this situation with everyone but them. They no longer want to have anything to do with Party 2, whom they now believe is legitimately evil.

Party 2 has now become hurt and angry by: first, having what they initially said blown way out of proportion, and second, by the way Party 1 is now talking about them to all their shared friends, causing people to have to choose sides. They no longer want to have anything to do with Party 1, whom they now believe is legitimately evil.

The Worm:

The Worm continues to speak to both parties, encouraging them to remain prideful, discouraging them from talking about the problem with each other, helping them to forget that loving your neighbor as yourself is one of the tenets of Christianity.

Pride: it’s something I write about a lot because I truly believe it is the number one tool of the Worm.  If we are full of pride and full of concern about our “rights”, the Worm can work with that.  Easily.  If we are more concerned with being the one who is in the right than we are about trying to make the situation right, the Worm will use that to continue dividing us from one another until the Split becomes a Chasm, with Parties and their supporters lined up on either side, hurling insults at each other.

A church split isn’t a separation of two groups with competing ideals, it’s a gaping hole with wounded people struggling to climb out of the abyss.  And the split begins as a tiny crack, that Party 1 and Party 2 are too prideful to try to repair.  Many of Jesus’ counter-cultural parables centered on figures who forgave when they didn’t have to, helped others when it was not easy or convenient for them, laid down their pride to better those around them.  So how do we miss this most basic teaching?  How do we let a crack become a chasm?

The Worm: the prince of darkness who lives in the shadow realm, is waiting for opportunities to exploit our most basic human weaknesses, our pride and selfishness.  Yes, he encourages the division that is destroying us but the tools he uses are of our own making.

***

I’ve seen a lot of division in the church in my short 36 years on this Earth.  And this division I’m talking about has been going on for centuries, and it is well documented.  Even as far back as Paul and Barnabas.

Acts 15:36-41

36 Then after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us now go back and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they are doing.” 37 Now Barnabas was determined to take with them John called Mark. 38 But Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed from them in Pamphylia, and had not gone with them to the work. 39 Then the contention became so sharp that they parted from one another. And so Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cyprus; 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, being commended by the brethren to the grace of God. 41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

Did they part because they prayed and felt that God wanted them to each go a different way and further His gospel?  No.  They parted because they were being stubborn and prideful, each believing they knew what was right.

The Worm.  His work is evident.

Galatians 19:21

19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Paul said this!  My friends, even respected leaders mess up.

***

This summer I have, once again, felt the painful caress of division, like a sword, maiming but not killing.  I have been Party 1 and I have been Party 2.  I’ve been stubborn, prideful, arrogant, unforgiving, angry, hurt, wounded, beaten, broken, a real jerk, and a real innocent.  I have played all the parts and felt all the stings.

But I don’t want to be manipulated by this worm anymore.  Even though I feel as though my heart has physically been ripped from my chest and set on fire on top of a pile of broken glass, I don’t want to play the games this worm has contrived anymore.  I don’t know how, but what I want more than anything is to walk in humility towards others.  I want to lay down my pride and pray together and work things out.  But I can’t do it alone.  Even if one party is willing to try, if the other is closed off, it will not work.

So this is my declaration: I am here and I am willing to talk and pray and try to work things out.  I don’t want my pride to get in the way.  I don’t want the worm to win.  I don’t want to see lives hurt and wounded and beaten and broken.  If you are with me, if you are willing to work through any hurt we have between us, please call me.  I will sit with you and pray with you and hopefully, together we will find a place of agreement again, even if we no longer walk the same path.

My friends, don’t let The Worm have his way.  Don’t let him nudge his way into that tiny crack.  Let’s all lay down our pride together.

John 13:35

35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

 

Matthew 5:9

Blessed are the peacemakers,
    For they shall be called sons of God.

When You’re a Failure

Maybe you feel like a failure in the Kingdom of God. But if you’re still walking behind Jesus day after day, you’re not a failure. To succeed in God’s Kingdom you need to do only one thing: get behind Jesus and stay there.

If you’ve walked away from Him, and you feel like a failure, you only need to do one thing to become a success again: get behind Jesus and stay there.

The disciples followed Jesus around for 3 years before He ascended to heaven. And after His ascension they were filled with the Holy Spirit. When Jesus was alive, did they get everything right? Did they fulfill His will perfectly every time? No. When they received the Holy Spirit, did they always perfectly hear His voice and put action behind His words? No. But they succeeded because they never stopped trying. They never walked away. They got behind Jesus and stayed there.

In Mark 4, when the storm arose and Jesus slept and the disciples thought they would die He said to them:

Mark 4:40 He said to them, ‘Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?’

They messed up.  Their faith was lacking.  Did Jesus write them off?  Tell them to find a new Rabbi to follow?  Go out looking for new disciples?  No. He didn’t because they weren’t failures.  And they weren’t failures because they were still following Jesus.

Nor did He kick them to the curb in Matthew 17 when they were unable to heal the afflicted boy.

Matthew 17:16 “I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him.”

Even after Jesus ascended into Heaven and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, Peter still messed up.

Galatians 2:11 But when Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong.

Can I let you in on a little secret?  They were human.  *Gasp*  And, you know what else?  You are too.  *Gasp, Gasp*

Humans make mistakes.  It’s what we’re most famous for.  And, believe it or not, God knows that.

Psalm 139:1-2

Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

***

Sunday morning, I stood alone praying.  I poured my heart out to the Lord.  I told Him that I felt like such a failure and I felt so lost.  That’s when I felt the overwhelming feeling inside, that I was not a failure because I was still showing up.  Yes, I’d made mistakes.  And, yes, I’ll make more mistakes in the future.  But I’m gonna keep showing up.  I’m gonna keep trying to see the face of my Lord.  And as long as I’m doing that, I’m not a failure.

PLEASE READ EVERY SINGLE WORD OF THE FOLLOWING SCRIPTURE.  BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE READ THIS FAR, YOU NEED TO READ THIS TOO.

Romans 8:31-39

31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  

36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”)

37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that NOTHING can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If we live by the standards of this world, then, yes, we are all failures!  So thank God that failures are His favorite kind of people!!

1 Corinthians 1:27 Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.

The heroes of our faith, the patriarchs that we look to in the scriptures for guidance, they all have their faults on full display for all to see.  No humiliating detail was spared in scripture.  The message we should see staring us right in the face when we look into the scripture is this: God uses the losers, the bastards, the orphans and the whores because He loves them and they love Him back.  The world sees them as failures.  They see themselves as failures.  But God says, “Keep showing up.  That’s all I ask.”

Here’s the song I wrote on the subject: For Sure

Luke 14:16-24

16 Jesus replied with this story: “A man prepared a great feast and sent out many invitations. 17 When the banquet was ready, he sent his servant to tell the guests, ‘Come, the banquet is ready.’ 18 But they all began making excuses. One said, ‘I have just bought a field and must inspect it. Please excuse me.’ 19 Another said, ‘I have just bought five pairs of oxen, and I want to try them out. Please excuse me.’20 Another said, ‘I just got married, so I can’t come.’

21 “The servant returned and told his master what they had said. His master was furious and said, ‘Go quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and invite the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.’ 22 After the servant had done this, he reported, ‘There is still room for more.’ 23 So his master said, ‘Go out into the country lanes and behind the hedges and urge anyone you find to come, so that the house will be full. 24 For none of those I first invited will get even the smallest taste of my banquet.’”

God’s recipe for success in His Kingdom: SHOW UP.

I don’t know, but I think I can do at least that.