Song, song, song.

I am aware at this point that the only person listening to my music is my son. Lol. I am ok with this. And I’m not gonna stop posting. I’m a bit like Michael Scott when Pam told him to stop dating her mom. Or John Locke on Lost. I’ve always been a bit stubborn.

So anyway… I wrote the song below a while back. I don’t actually know when. But I was flipping through my current songbook this morning and wanted to throw it up here. Warning: the video is long because I talk a lot. *Shocker*

It’s a song. Ending leaves something to be desired. Chose a key a little too high for me maybe. But until I have more time… (I have virtually none right now so why in the hell am I cobbling together first drafts of songs?)

Anyway… and away… she… goes…

It’s crumbling
That old farmhouse
The one where I thought I’d die
Awning – sagging
Windows – broken
Plumbing – leaking
I keep propping it up
Boarding them over
And mopping, mopping, mopping
But it’s useless
It’s just collapsing
And all I can do is watch
And it hurts
Because I wanted to save you
To save us
To save me
But you’ve been dead for such a long time
I wanted you to live
But you just wanted to die
You said to look for you in the garden
But I keep finding you in other people
In myself
You shouldn’t have asked me for help
So many times
I was just a little girl
And now all I know how to do is help
And I can’t save you
I can’t save them
I can’t save the farmhouse
But if I leave now
If I leave right now
I can still save myself

Song.

I really hate videos of myself singing. But whatever. Does anything really matter anyway? Kindness matters. I could use some kindness today. My heart is going through it. For silly reasons and for serious ones. Emotions aren’t evil. But sometimes they are the enemy. If you watch this video, be kind. And tell your loved ones what they mean to you.

(Also, the angle is weird because I propped it up on my music stand. But, again, who cares?)

(Also, also, not really sure this is finished but I like it’s potential. Or something.)