God

Gently close up


Sometimes instead of saying “shut up”, my girls and I say “gently close up”, because “shut up” is rude. So if you couldn’t tell by the title, this post is about shutting up. 

As I was worshipping my God this morning, I was impressed that I needed to shut up. Lol. Or more specifically, I realized that as Christians we often treat prayer and worship as a time to entreat God to enact change in the world. And that’s not a wrong idea. It’s just not the end. It’s not the only purpose of prayer and worship. 

Prayer and worship can also be a time for God to enact change in us. 

But if we don’t stop talking about the change we want to see God enact in the world, we miss the change God wants to enact in us. 

Psalm 46:10

“He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.””

He is God. He will be exalted. He’s not too worried about it. You, BE STILL for a few minutes so He can be exalted in YOU. 

I don’t have much more to say. I could actually, ironically, talk a lot about being silent.  But I’m not gonna type your ear off today. 

Just “gently close up” for a few minutes and be still, let Him enact change in you. 

Amen. The end. Hasta la vista, baby.

I’m 103 and other musings plus another gold nugget from Oswald Chambers


Mr. Chambers does it again. This. I NEEDED to read this. It is just another huge confirmation that the decision Nick and I recently made for our family was the right thing for us. 

It would be hard for me to explain why this meant so much to me without telling you a lot of our personal history and I don’t think I want to do that… But it is still an amazing read for any Christian. 

If you don’t own a copy of My Utmost for His Highest, I highly recommend getting one or downloading the phone app or having both the book and the phone app, like me. Be forewarned, however, there is more than one version. The original version written in the early 1900’s (1911-1917) and an updated version that puts Mr. Chambers old timey speech into more modern language. I personally prefer the original old timey one because I think the way Mr. Chambers phrases things is poetic and makes me think. Also, I’m secretly 103 and kindly request that you get off my lawn, you dang kids. 

Anyway… go read it. HashtagGoodStuff

When you feel evil: Pt 2

Basically… I’m trying to work through this feeling – the feeling that I am evil. The feeling that I am a bad person. Like at my core. I don’t just do “bad” things, no, deeper than that. I am weird, crude, strange, foolish, socially inept, and a lot more junk. 

It’s a pretty pervasive feeling inside of me right now. It’s like suddenly a flood light has come on and I’m seeing all of my flaws with stark, blinding clarity. And it’s no fun. 

I’m not trying to bum you out or get sympathy. I’m not looking for praise or encouragement. Because even though these feelings keep erupting in me at the most inconvenient of times of late, they are almost always followed by a whisper from my loving Father, that I am loved. 


In Mark 10, verse 18, Jesus said that no one is good except God. That verse actually brings me a lot of comfort because I know I’m not alone. No one is good. Everyone sucks. It isn’t just me. 

But as my good friend, Austin Crooks, likes to quote, “But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8

We all suck but God loves us anyways. That’s the message of the gospel. Brennan Manning is famous for saying that God loves us as we are and not as we should be because no one is as they should be. And I need to hear that right now. I need to feel that right now. Yes, I’m no good, but God loves me. 

It’s true that I’m a big mess. It’s true that I’m weird and strange. I overshare. I gossip even when I’m trying not to. I lie. I’m lazy. I’m crude. I enjoy things that I really shouldn’t. But God still loves me. I don’t know how or why. I just know that he does and I need it. Oh, how I need it. 

I hope and pray that people around me can see that I’m a work in progress and even though I’m a mess, I really don’t want to be. Even though I’m a jerk, I love God and want him to change me. I hope people can see that, because I’m sure it’s not obvious. I’m sure my pride is what shines brightest. I’m positive that, at times, I seem like the most arrogant, butt that has ever existed. And at times, I am. 

This morning, in the midst of feeling broken, God used a very unlikely source to remind me that, “He heals the broken-hearted, and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3. 

What an amazing God I love! Here I am, feeling so broken because I know that I’m a huge butt, and He reaches down and tells me He loves me. He’s not looking at me saying, “You’re right, Bonnie, you are a butt. Now, repent so I can fix you.”  Instead, He’s saying, “Shh, shh, shh. It’s ok, sweetie. I love you. Just put your head on my shoulder and cry it out, I’ll hold you.”


As the one and only Toby Flenderson said in a moment of joy, “I’m gonna chase that feeling.”  I’m gonna chase that feeling too, that God loves me as I am right now, not as I should be and it’s gonna be ok. 

Oswald knows what’s up


Exactly what I needed this morning. My evil heart is breaking me but thankfully God is never-failing. I’m thankful God gave Mr. Chambers revelation that can still be read today. My Utmost for His Highest remains one of my favorite devotionals of all time forever.