A Whole New World (Don’t You Dare Close Your Eyes)

Momentous events in the lives of my amazing girls this week.

First up: Meghan, my beautiful and talented 11 year old, received her first insulin pump this week.  She is now a card-carrying member of the insulin-pump-wearing Type 1 diabetes crowd.  It’s amazing for her to no longer have to get 4 or more shots each day.  (For those of you who don’t know, an insulin pump delivers small amounts of insulin to her continuously through a tiny needle inserted just below the skin.)  It’s taking some getting used to but Meghan can already feel a huge difference in her everyday life and she’s “pumped” about it.*

 

Next up: Sammee, my cute and hilarious 8 year old, received her first pair of glasses this week.  She was blind but now she sees! Someone give me an Amen! Hallelujah!  I knew something was up a couple weeks ago when she tried my glasses on and said they helped her see better. Lol.  Thankfully, her eyesight isn’t anywhere near as bad as mine and she has yet to flush her glasses down the toilet.  But glasses are opening up her eyes to the world around her.* 
 

My rad girls are just getting radder by the day and growing up right before my eyes.  (Sniff, sniff.)  So on that note, I leave you with this video by Nick Pitera, a guy who sings a song. (And boy does he sing it.)

*All puns in this blog post were entirely intentional.  In some cases, puns are not intended by the speaker of the pun and said speaker will then say, “No pun intended.”  Please note, in the case of this blog post, all puns were, in fact, intended.

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What happened to my glasses? (The true harrowing tale.)

If you know me IRL, you know that I need corrective lenses to function.  I’ve worn glasses or contacts since the third grade.  (SMH, my first pair of glasses…) Sometimes I go full on contacts but most times I’m really lazy and just do glasses.

About a year and a half ago I went full time contacts again and bought a year’s supply.  Then in February of this year I got down to my last pair of contacts.  I was feeling lazy again and decided not to reorder.  I’d go back to full time glasses and save my last pair for emergencies and/or dates.  And that plan worked pretty well… until… July 22nd, 2015 (otherwise known as Wednesday).

July 22nd, 2015. The day of my 15th wedding anniversary.

Fifteen years together with Nick, my sexy guitar-playing, refrigeration-business-managing, worship-leading, baseball-loving, record-collecting, father-to-my-kids-ing, partner-in-crime-ing husband.  I was gearing up for an epic afternoon of hanging with my dude and decided it was time to bust out the ole contacts.

lsp cobras

I put in my contacts and fixed my makeup and hair.  I looked smokin’.  I set my glasses in the same place I always put them when I wear contacts, on top of my makeup case, that way when I take out my contacts later they will be ready and waiting for me to don them once again.

Then I did the most normal thing in the world… I went pee.

Now, my ensuite bathroom is pretty small and the toilet is really close to the bathroom counter.  Normally, this doesn’t present any problems.  I stood (as one does) and pushed the handle to flush, at the same time grabbing a bracelet I wanted wear off of the top of my makeup case.  (You can see where this is going.)  The bracelet caught the corner of my folded glasses and flung them into the open toilet bowl just as the water swirled out, carrying my glasses with it.

That’s right.  You did read that correctly.  I flushed my glasses down the toilet.

toilet flushing gif

I literally began laughing and crying at the same time.  (Using the force and sheer will power I commanded my tears to stay in their ducts, I wasn’t about to get tear streaks all through my hot makeup job.)  To his credit, Nick waited a little while before making fun of me.  Meghan and Sammee showed no restraint, however.  Neither did our buddy Dylan who was over when it happened to watch the girls for us.  And neither has anyone else who has heard this story.  So, now that you’ve read the true harrowing tale, I don’t expect you to either.  Lawl it up.

lol gif

Today is July 25, 2015 (otherwise known as Saturday) and something pretty amazing happened today to complete the tale.

First, as you’ve probably already guessed, the toilet was unusable after that.  Nick consulted his plumber buddy and it was determined that we’d have to unbolt the toilet and lift it off the floor to remove the glasses.  This was a very sad thing for me to hear.  Not only did I lose a good pair of glasses but now I’d have to wait to use my bathroom until the unbolting could occur.  And I really wasn’t looking forward to the mess it would make.

But, as I said, something amazing happened today that changed all of that.

You see, the other day a Walmart cashier overheard me telling this story to someone else and decided to share a flushing story of his own.  He told me how he’d flushed a toothbrush down the toilet and managed to fish it out with a wire hanger.  I didn’t think much about the story until this morning when I woke up and couldn’t get it out of my head.  I went to the closet, found an old wire hanger, untwisted it and went fishing.  I didn’t have any luck, though.  Nothing was biting.

But Nick saw what I was doing and decided to give it a go… and… HE GOT MY GLASSES OUT!  UNDAMAGED!!


Not only is he sexy but it turns out he’s great at fishing glasses out of toilets!  Who knew?

So that’s it really.  The whole true story.  I haven’t decided if I’ll try to sanitize my glasses and keep them.  I went to the optometrist yesterday and bought another year’s supply of contacts and ordered new glasses so having my old ones back is just an amazing bonus.

I have learned one very valuable lesson from all this though: Always shut the lid before flushing.

P.S. If you haven’t done so yet, check this out. It’s amaz-zaz-zing.

P.P.S. I have mailed out all the cameras but there’s still time to get yours.
winking taco

P.P.P.S. I’m putting together a little give-away, so stay tuned to this bat channel for a chance to win big.