I had a bad day.  It wasn’t my first and it won’t be my last.  Though I feel weak, as if I may crumble, I am clinging to God’s love for me and my family.

I sat with my oldest daughter tonight and talked to her about what we are going through.  I told her it didn’t really matter why we were going through these things, it only mattered how we responded to what was happening.  I believe that too.  I believe that more than anything else, God desires closeness, intimacy with us.  He desires for us to seek Him, to know Him, to know His heart and to love Him as our Father.

Because of this belief, I try not to get too hung up on comfort in this life.  If I have to experience discomfort and heartache, my fervent hope is that I won’t dwell on the “bad” stuff, but that I’ll turn my heart toward the Lord.  I no longer believe that God has to change my physical circumstances to demonstrate His love for me.  If my earthly circumstances are less than desirable, even if they’re downright awful, it doesn’t change His love for me.  My earthly life is but a shadow of my life to come with Jesus.  This life is merely the preparation stage.  It’s preparing my heart, reshaping and purifying me.

So I had a bad day.  My day was worse than someone’s and better than someone else’s.  And it wasn’t the worst day I’ve ever had.  But my heart still aches from watching my loved ones suffer.  But I don’t feel alone.  I know that He is with me.  I feel His presence and I know He is grieving with me.  And that is why, even though I’m wiping away the tears as I type, I can say, “I love You, Jesus.  Thank You.  Thank You for being here with me.  Thank You for loving me and giving me hope and joy.”

I love You, Jesus.