Lately, I’ve been spending more time meditating. I even built myself a fort.
And something I keep getting and, honestly, have been getting for a while during these times of meditation is simply that I need to let all of me out to play.
Like many of you, I’m sure, I’ve spent an enormous amount of time making myself more palatable to the other humans. I make myself smaller, hide bits of myself, mute parts of me and so on and so forth. And, for those of you who also do this, I’m sure you’re aware how isolating that can be. Even when you’re surrounded by your favorite humans, you feel alone because there are parts of you they will never know.
I’ve been working on letting my whole self out for a while now and I really don’t think there will ever be an end date where I say, “That’s it. I’m finally completely myself all the time.” But I would love for people to know me better. It’s not their fault I can’t help but hide myself. I have a lot of leftover childhood shit I’m working through and I’m still battling the demons that want me to shrink myself down.
After meditating on these things this morning. I wrote a song. Pretty much just detailing how repressed I felt as a child. I always felt like I was too much and not enough at the same time. Told consistently I was too sensitive and weird.
I wanted to share this song specifically for anyone going through the same thing. Have you felt like too much and not enough for the people you love? Have you broken yourself down into bite sized pieces so the other humans would like you? Have you felt alone because you hide parts of yourself? I have too. I don’t know how to do it but let’s fight for ourselves. Let’s fight to keep that spark of life burning in us.
We will always be too much or not enough for the wrong people. But our tribes are out there. I want to fight for myself and be the person I feel I truly am.
So here’s the song. I did an audio recording and a video. The video kinda sucks. I was really tired at that point from having played the song A LOT. I hope it speaks to someone. ❤️
Fight For Myself