I wrote this song a while back and decided to revisit it today because I have felt completely awful for days now. If you can’t figure it out from the lyrics, it is about one of my beloved Alices, Alice Liddell, the star of Alice in Wonderland. (My other beloved Alice is Alice Abernathy from the Resident Evil series.)
I love strong women in fiction and film. As a young child who often felt she had to navigate the world alone, the story of Alice in Wonderland has always resonated with me. I’ve tried to live my life with the same bravery, wonder, curiosity and audacity that Alice exhibits in her story. I like to think that most things in life don’t scare me. But that’s not true. The thing that scares me the most is the possibility (let’s say probability) that I am unbearable.
When I get into the headspace I have been in for the last few days, I shrink because I am convinced that I am not a person other people want to be around. I feel that I must be incredibly unaware of myself and that if I do not shrink and become small, no one will want me.
But thinking of my beloved Alices does help. I have been brave many times in my life and I can be brave now. I don’t feel totally confident yet but singing always helps. I can do hard things, even if I am completely unbearable and annoy the ever living fudge out of people, I can still do what needs to be done.
So please enjoy a not great recording of me playing with a broken elbow when I shouldn’t be. (I’m also typing with a broken elbow. Don’t tell.)