Where I am

There are things you want the world to understand but you don’t want to say. You wish and hope everyone knows and that they will understand what you’re going through but you know deep inside that most don’t. And maybe no one does. Your story is like my story but it is not the same story.

I’m angry. I’m so so angry. And I’m so so devastated. I’m full of regret and full of determination to make the best of what I have.

I’ve experienced loss but never like this. In some ways my loss doesn’t compare with anyone else’s and in many ways it’s exactly the same.

Thank you for caring. Thank you for your support. Thank you for all you have done and said that has shown me your love for me and my mother.

I’m going to be weird and stoic and strange for a while. I’m going to be sad and angry and fine. Sometimes I’m going to seem perfectly fine. It’s just a thin layer and it dissolves every night around 9pm which is when I start thinking about breaking things and sobbing uncontrollably.

I’ve had a lot of offers of help for my mom and myself. Expect me to take you up on them. And expect me to try to do everything myself. I’m a mess.

I love you all. Thanks for understanding the unspoken things in my heart.

For those who don’t know… I can’t… Just email me. I can’t bring myself to write it here.


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