Snow Pride

20140205-163806.jpgHello, Snow People.  The snow came down and blanketed the earth.  I don’t really want to talk about the snow.  Or read about it.  I’m okay with looking at it, though.  But not touching it.  No way.  I mean, it’s pretty and all, and it does cause cancellations and delays and such, but I just don’t care.

Everything I care about these days is changing all the time.  Some days I feel like my heart is in a time machine heading to the past and the future all at the same time.  I’m reliving past emotions, thoughts and attitudes.  Collecting old healthy memories like picking up unbroken seashells on the beach at sunrise.  In many ways I was more free as a young Christian than I have been as a “mature” believer.  I suppose I am choosing to become as a little child in order to embrace the kingdom of God.

This morning I was reflecting on freedom.  Freedom is a state of mind.  I’ve heard that many times before but never really understood it.  But it really is.  I live in the United States of America where I am supposedly “free”.  Now I’m not here to debate the intricacies of our current government and the ways that our “freedoms” are being compromised daily (NSA, etc.) but the truth is that I currently can do pretty much whatever I want.  No one tells me where to attend church, what grocery store to shop in, how to educate my children, what clothes to wear or what words I can write on this blog.  My every move is not being watched and I don’t have to live in fear for my mortal life.  That being said, I have spent much of my adult life imprisoned by my own fears and worries, bound to behave a certain way because my fear dictated that I do so.

Fear is a prisoner for us all.

Worrying about pleasing others or what they might think of me has brought me nothing good.  It has given me anxiety, caused me to overeat and given me ulcers.  Furthermore, worrying has done the worst thing of all, taken my eyes off of Jesus and put them on myself.  I call it inverted pride.  Because what pride really is at its core is lifting yourself up, putting your eyes on yourself rather than on Father God.  And living for the praise of others rather than the affection of the Father is pride in disguise.

So it’s easy to look at all the snow posts from the last two days and wonder how much of it was born out of a need to appear “just as cool” as everyone else.  How much of it was done because you worry what others think of you and you want them to like you?  I think of times in my life when every single thing I did was to garner the praise of others.  So painful to think about.  I want so badly to free others of that burden.  But my yoke is not the easy one, that yoke belongs to Jesus.  Giving others my “9 steps to a more humble you” speech isn’t going to change them.  The only thing that can change anyone is true revelation and desire given by the Holy Spirit.

Okay!  I think I’m done ranting.  Weee!  Glad I got that out.  Later!

-Bonz

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