I recently had a conversation with a guy friend where I explained how I think men work and he said I was wrong. I started to believe him for a sec but I’m right back to thinking I’m right.

From what I have gathered being single for 4.5 years, men don’t like me. Maybe they want to hook up. That seems to be the main goal most guys have. And, honestly, I have zero trouble finding a guy for that. I did not know this for my whole life but I guess I’m sort of attractive?

But as far as liking my personality and wanting to get to know me? Yeah, no. Haven’t found one of those yet. Lol.

Below is a list of things I think men do if they like you and want to get to know you, not just hook up. And since these things don’t happen for me often or when they do happen they just end, I feel I can confidently say: men don’t like me.

Things I think men do if they like you:

• Ask you out on a date, usually more than one
• Chase you a bit
• Reply to messages
• Ask questions about you
• Send memes or videos
• Tell you about themselves
• Maybe get you a gift?
• Public displays of affection
• Tell you they like you

I don’t have a lot more. Maybe I’ll update this if I think of anything. But I don’t care what my friend says. If a guy liked me he’d do this stuff. And this stuff doesn’t happen for me. I also deleted all the dating apps months ago so that doesn’t really help. But I’m tired of putting myself out there only to get rejected. So I’m on hiatus. (Somehow I’m still going on dates though. Lol.)

If you’re a guy and you disagree with me please comment. But tbh I really think I’m right.

The year of our Lord and Savior, Timothy James Curry, Two Thousand and Twenty-Six, is upon us.

Your girl has been so messy the last four years, my little loves. But no longer, or at least she’s working on being less messy.

Stepping into this new year single and planning to stay that way. No more apps. No more chasing. No more freaking out because I’m alone. It’s not going to be easy. I’m bad at being alone. But it’s time I stopped focusing on love and relationships.

So what am I going to focus on? Me. Duh.

In 2026 my goals will be simple:

• Improve my financial life
• Improve my emotional life
• Improve my mental life
• Improve my physical life

That’s it. I want to get mentally and emotionally stronger, financially stronger, and hopefully physically stronger.

I have more specific goals than that but those are for me to know. I just really hope by this time next year as we approach 2027, that y’all see a very different girl. I can do anything I put my mind and heart to. So LFG 2026. We got this.

I say what I have to say to get through the day. Knowing I’m not a person anyone will ever love. I’m not relationship material. I don’t love easily. Some people fall in and out of love. I don’t. Once I fall, that’s it. You’ve got me. And even after you break my heart, part of me will always love you to some degree. Can’t help it. I’m loyal and I genuinely care about people. Even people who hate me.

I realized after my heartbreak last year that I’m not someone anyone wants long term. I’m not worth the long term. Not good enough. And I can list every fault I have that makes me not worth it. Lol. At least once a day I remind myself not to ever hope for anything long term or serious again because that’s not in the cards for me. Casual is fine. The hurt will be minimal with casual when they finally get tired of me.

Growing up my mom always told me I was too fat and not pretty enough and my dad always told me I was crazy. And surprise, those are the exact reasons I’ve been told I’m not relationship material. Plus, boring. Lol.

I start to do ok. To focus on me and my goals and be ok with casual dating. And be ok with who and what I am. And be ok with not being enough. And then someone I have loved will just pop into my life to remind me that I’m not worth a long term relationship. And it shouldn’t hurt but it so does.

I may not have a nice body, or be pretty, or be well adjusted but in general I’m kind, generous, caring, empathetic, sweet… ya know, a mildly decent person. And I don’t feel like I deserve to have my heart crushed repeatedly. I get that I’m not good enough but isn’t telling me that once enough? Do we have to keep doing this??

Ugh. Dating and boys are stupid. 💔

For as long as I can remember, in every relationship I’ve had – as a daughter, as a mother, as a wife, as a friend – whenever there is a conflict I’m usually the one who apologizes first and tries to fix the situation. Maybe it’s because I don’t like conflict or maybe it’s because I’m scared to lose people. But I can tell you this: no one is scared to lose me. The people who are closest to me continue, year after year, to walk all over me, say hurtful things, and never once worry if I’m hurt or care. I’m tired of always being the bad guy. I’m tired of no one caring if they hurt me or worry that someday they might push me too far and lose me. I would love for someone, one day to give a shit, but they won’t. Because I’m too forgiving and too much of a doormat. So I need to go hermit mode for a while. I’m tired of being walked on.