Joy

A friend recently recommended the song Joy Invincible to me by Switchfoot. So when I pulled up to the Audubon Society Trail near my house, I slammed my airpods into my ears and let it play on repeat as I took off on the 1 mile forested trail. I have always had a special love for nature. When I was a kid, my family moved into an apartment complex for about a year that had a forested area, presumably for walking trails but since the movie Hook had just come out, I assumed it was actually for me to live out my Neverland fantasies. It was there that I discovered my love for all things forest. And, though, there are times when I haven’t been able to spend as much time with her as I’d like, I always end up back in the arms of my Mother Nature.

As I walked the trail today, I tried to let the words of the song wash over me and at the same time, I tried to let my Mother do her work in my heart. The two intertwined around my broken little, crumbling, blood pumping organ like vines forming a latticed cage. “It’s ok,” they said to me, “We’re here, my darling.” I pulled out my phone and opened the notes app to write down a few thoughts as I walked. I snapped some pictures. I sobbed loudly and I breathed deeply. Music and nature can’t fix everything but they can certainly help hold me together for a while.

So here are my notes from my walk and a few pics, also the song. The words “Hold to what’s real, everything heals” hit me deep every time.

My notes while walking:

Nature is brutal and cruel and merciless and beautiful and spectacular and kind. She takes but she also gives and gives so generously. And she doesn’t lie. Oh, she’s a selfish bitch but she’ll never lie to you. She doesn’t pretend to be anything she’s not. And when I’m questioning everything, she doesn’t have answers, she has arms. And sometimes her embrace is all I need. Here, it doesn’t need to make sense. I don’t need to be right. They don’t need to be wrong. I come to her weeping and she simply gives joy. 

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