Tinnitus Conspiracy Theory

When I was 11, I sometimes had tinnitus. Tinnitus is a ringing or buzzing in one or both ears. I actually still get it sometimes but it doesn’t happen as often as it did when I was a young preteen.

Being 11, I didn’t know that this was an unusual occurrence that is NOT supposed to happen. I just figured it happened to everyone. So I never told anyone at all that it was happening.

Now, before you start to think that this is a story about a medical condition I didn’t know I had, let me set you straight, this story in no way answers any medical questions. I still don’t know why I had (and sometimes still have) tinnitus and, to be honest, I don’t care. (I should probably care but I don’t. Sue me.)

One night, after having a particularly memorable amount of high pitched ringing in my ears, I went and stared out of my bedroom window at the streetlights in our neighborhood and a strange idea came to me. What if that high pitched whine I heard was actually the sound of air escaping through a crack in the large glass dome that covered my world? Yes, you read that right, I imagined The Truman Show before it ever existed. (The Truman Show was released in 1998. I was 11 in 1992. Suck on that.)

My theory was this: I was actually a full grown adult detective from the future who rode a motorcycle and “knew too much”. My memory had been replaced and I had been reprogrammed to believe I was an eleven year old girl. My entire world was under a huge glass dome where “the past” (1992) had been recreated to keep me under control. (Hello? The Matrix? It came out in 1999. Apparently, I had all the good ideas first.)

EVERYONE was in on it. And for the most part, “their” plan had worked. (No idea who “they” were.) BUT, the dome was cracking and sometimes air would escape creating this high pitched whine. Everyone could hear it but they pretended not to so I wouldn’t regain my true memories. But now that I’d figured it out, I just had to wait until my true memories resurfaced and I could escape the dome.

As I’m sure you’ve guessed, my true memories never resurfaced and I grew up and got married and had kids and forgot all about being a detective from the future.

But tonight, I remembered.

And I realized something, you guys. COVID-19 is just another part of the conspiracy meant to keep me from remembering who I am and the secret buried deep inside. It’s time to activate those dormant memories, find my motorcycle, and escape the dome. I must have been starting to get close again to solving the mystery of my own mysterious past and “they” had to keep me isolated and afraid in order to keep me from discovering the REAL TRUTH.

But the worst part is… You’re all in on it. Gotta say, that one hurts guys.

But I also have a question… How old am I really? Let’s say when I was 11, I was actually 31. That would make me 59. Am I really a sixty year old detective who rides a motorcycle and lives under a dome? I’d say… probably. Oh well.

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